Music is the one thing that lets me get back to me....and makes it ok to be there....

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Ahhh....Saturday night....love it!

“Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.”

~Jamie Paolinetti

Reason...

There’s a reason for everything, I suppose. At least that’s what I’ve been told…and to an extent, I believe it to be true. We have our reasons…I guess that’s why we do what we do. Though some don’t always understand, or approve, we do it anyway…because we have a reason. So why do you what you do? Why do I insist on being a songwriter/singer, chasing the dream, living on pennies, stressed to make rent at times….why, why, why?? Because of reasons…right? Ha! Wish everyone did what they did because of a purpose. But many don’t. I didn’t. I still don’t at times. But when something smacks you in the face, to make you believe that what your doing is worth every headache, every night awake, every dream you have when you actually sleep, every smile, every tear (yours or another’s), then I guess that gives you reason to keep going…

I had an incident while singing with a band….and this began my drive on this road to do what I do…with every reason in the world! And therefore, it’s the correct decision for me…at least, that’s what I believe. Here’s the story: We were playing for about 1500 people…and performed a song that was about getting back to the way you and your loved one used to be…to remember why you love each other…and how you need to do this once in awhile. Well, in the middle of the song, I looked down in the front row…and there was a woman, with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face…and I saw her say “Thank you” to me…for playing this song. Wow! How do you keep going after that?? There, right then and there, is where I began to find reason for what I do…..

In the process of finding this reason, I also went to a quiet, dark place, and looked myself in the mirror…something many of us are scared to do. I sure was. I really believe that everyone should, at some point in their lives, get involved in some form of art, or creativity. Not for anyone else but themselves. You learn to express yourself in a way that sometimes words cannot portray. For some, it may be sculpting, painting, dancing, keeping a diary, singing, etc….For me, melody and lyrics help me. I can’t tell you how many times a song has affected me…good or bad. Sometimes it’s the words, sometimes it’s just the melody (yes, sometimes, I don’t even care what the singer is saying…the melody and music is driving me to feel). So in my new way of writing, at least what I’m trying to do, I’m not only letting go of things inside of me, for my own selfish therapeutic purpose, but also, hoping that somewhere out there, there has GOT to be someone else who is feeling exactly like I do. Going through the same emotions. And just maybe, my words and music can touch them…and help them through, or get them thinking, and feeling - which most of us avoid doing at times, so not to get hurt. I know I do. Not feeling is easy. It’s great! But then it all stays inside, and in some form, it all comes out eventually. I like to try to channel it into my music…And it seems, the best songs out there, the ones people respond to, whether it’s my song, or someone else’s, even if they’re the slow-tempo, dark songs (my mom wishes I would write more happy stuff! lol But whatever comes out, is what comes out…can’t help it!), these are the songs that are true. Truth. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it’s good. But I believe that we all are constantly running from our own truths, and music makes us sit back, and admit, even if quietly to ourselves, to the truth. Aren’t mirrors great?? lol

Last night I had an encounter with an old friend of mine. We had a falling out. It’s been stuck in my gut for probably about 10 months. I think of her constantly. Wondering what went wrong, and how she’s doing, and how can I make things better. It’s kept me up at night. It’s ruined my days. I just wrote a song, titled “Quiet” about this…finally…in about 5 minutes. And I don’t care if every word is not perfect or every rhyme isn’t there. It’s the truth. It’s the god-forsaken-gut-wrenching truth. And although it’s helped me to get my words out there, and I’m thankful that I can do this, I honestly believe someone else could use these words to help their own situation….and that gives me reason to keep doing what I do…..