Hello!!! I wanted to just update all of you on some exciting news!!!
I
have been in Nashville for 12 years...10 of those consisted of playing
and writing and recording songs. I have had the most amazing lifetime
opportunity here! How many people can say they have their own website,
are on Pandora, iTunes, had a song on a webseries, sang in a band,
opened for Gretchen Wilson and Charlie Daniels, got to work with
incredibly talented musicians and songwriters, was completely surrounded
by this amazing talent every single day, play in different cities and
meet lots of wonderful people, and the list goes on and on....I am
truly grateful and honored to have had these wonderful times here in
Nashville and made amazing memories and friends!
I do
believe, that at some point, you need to re-evaluate your life. This is
what I have been doing over the last 12 months. And I have come to the
conclusion that it's time to stop chasing a dream and begin walking
side-by-side life, and see all it has to offer! I now have experiences
and friends for life, and will always cherish them! But it's time for
me to move on....and I am so excited about the future and all it has in
store for me!
I will be heading overseas for a few
years, to help others. The details are still under construction. This whole
process has definitely taught me patience. I was hoping to leave sooner,
but it looks like it has been pushed back a bit. This is completely
fine with me, because I have lots to do before I go!!!
Music
will always be a part of me, and I will always keep writing, singing
and recording. But this time, it will be for the love of music
only...as a fun, creative, therapeutic outlet when I want to get away from the world and go to my happy place :)
I am so
grateful to all of you - from coming to shows, buying my music, giving
this girl's music a listen, and most importantly, the friendships I have
gained in many of you! I hope that I have inspired some of you to feel
more, think more and love more.
I am happy, scared,
excited, nervous and thrilled all at the same time with this opportunity
that has come my way! I guess they're right when they say "everything
happens for a reason". This is going to be a life-changing experience!! I
have a lot more to do, while I'm here on this earth, and it has now
come time to turn to the next chapter :) I will be
sending out an email as soon as I get more info on the details...If you
would like to be on that list, please let me know by emailing me at saricornmusic@gmail.com.
I hope you all
stay in touch with me! I'll also be blogging about this experience (as
long as I have internet access!) And I'll make sure to put a list of
items you can send to me in a care package :) Like Starbucks instant
coffee...lol...for when I miss my American ways...
Thank you all
SOOOOOOO MUCH for all of the love, support, friendship, stories,
inspiration and smiles you have given me over the years! I feel like the
luckiest girl in the world to have been given this kind of life...and
it's still not over! I can't even imagine what is in store for me next!!
Sincerely grateful and humbled more everyday, ~Johanna :)
On the eve of the 10th Anniversary (I hate this word for this particular day) of 9/11, here are some of my thoughts...
First and foremost, I can't help but think of all those who have died and whose lives have been changed because of this horrific attack. For those who used their skills and talents and hearts to help save, rebuild, and reach out to all affected, they are heroes, in my eyes. It saddens me that this happened...that we need to even worry about terrorists, madmen, and others who are out to hurt another human being. I still don't understand - and I don't think I ever will.
In my world, this day has come at a time when, (unfortunately, it took this) to make me think more about my own life...and those around me I love.
I have a really bad memory (thanks Mom! lol). But I still remember that day 10 years ago like it was yesterday. I was working at Belmont University at the time, as an Athletic Trainer. I was on my way in to work, with the radio on, as usual...just fighting traffic and trying to get down as much coffee as possible before my crazy day of rehabbing injured athletes, administrative duties, overseeing games and practices, all the while, keeping every athlete and coach happy. I heard that one of the towers got hit. I thought it was just a mistake, or something just went wrong. No plane would purposely fly in to a building! I hurried to get to my trailer-training room I was working out of, to turn on the TV. As soon as I did, it showed the other tower being hit. I couldn't believe my eyes. There is NO way this just happened. There's some mistake. So I kept watching....and then the Pentagon, and then the plane in Pennsylvania. Oh my gosh. We have been attacked. The United States of America. The most powerful country in the world. People started coming into the training room for work, and usual rehab time. They hadn't heard yet. I said, "Look....the TV." We all just stood around, watching, dumbfounded. How could I work right now?? These ankle, knee, shoulder injuries were just not important. There is something bigger now going on.
I immediately started thinking of all my friends and family who live or work in NYC. I got on the phone. I couldn't get a hold of anyone till later that day, and luckily they were all ok. But one good friend was working, at the time, right across the street from the towers. Oh gosh. Scary! I emailed my parents. They were actually over in Australia, visiting my sister (who was there for work), and told them they may have a hard time flying back in to the US. (My mom thought it was a joke at first when she read my email.) As the day went on, meetings were canceled, and I got a phone call from my boss at Vanderbilt Medical Center (who was my actual employer, I was just contracted out to Belmont) that said we are all on alert. Vanderbilt Hospital is on alert....in case it is needed for more disasters. What does that mean???? Is Nashville on the radar to be hit next?? Are more cities on the radar to be hit??? What is going on??? How can this happen???
And so we eventually all went on with our lives, jobs, etc....and now it's 10 years later.
And now here I am. Affected again by watching the videos, pictures, voices of that day this morning on the news. Tears build up, and I feel so much for those who lost loved ones. It's just not right.
And then I think of me and my life (I know, pretty self-absorbed, huh - at least I feel that way). But how can you not think of your own world. I am so lucky to not have lost anyone I know from this disaster. But now what?? What do I do now?? What am I doing with my life?? How can I learn from this??
I have recently been going thru a year-long break-up (haha...that's how I like to describe it!). I've always heard stories of people going thru a break-up, and end up moving, changing jobs, changing their lives, completely. I thought - what the heck - how can you let one little incident - a stupid break-up of a relationship - change your life THAT much??? Well, now I understand. It had been the longest relationship I have had in about 16 years. So, yes, I understand.
And now, because of this "anniversary" of 9/11, it has caused me to, even more, re-evaluate everything. My job, my music, my heart, where I live, where I want to live, what I want out of life.
My mom sent me an article about how single people shouldn't wait around for a partner to enjoy life. To not put off things, just because you're "alone." Well, it's time I stop putting my life off, and begin doing things I have ALWAYS wanted to do. I'm thinking of my new home (I have a few ideas!), I'm changing my music goals...all for the better, and will begin to learn more in my massage therapy field. Here are a few more things I've begun to add to the list: hiking - I mean, REAL hiking- like Appalachian trail-hiking, (I guess that would be backpacking) camping, get scuba-diving certified, rock climbing, taking my dog to the beach (already planned for November!), traveling to Europe (already planned for the summer!), pole dancing classes (don't judge! I hear it's a real workout! lol), cooking classes, getting involved with Habitat For Humanity and other volunteer organizations, MORE photography - getting a camera, etc.....and this is just the beginning.
I have waited too long to do these things. And even when I did have a relationship, somehow, we skipped out on doing these things. So, that just proves, that waiting around for someone, doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be able to check things off your "list". And so maybe I'll find someone who I think is awesome, who thinks I'm just as awesome, and that would be awesome! And if they want to join me in my life, that would be great! But I have things to do....with or without someone!
I have learned to love...unconditionally. I may be angry at the person who hurt me, but at the end of the day, I can't help but still love him. I want to love and care for my friends and family more. And not for me...but for them. People just want to be loved...and they want to know they're loved. And that's what love is. It's not about you. It's not about having someone in your life for your own pleasure. It's for THEIR pleasure- to make THEIR day better. I love myself enough. I need to continue to spread it to others.
I know there is a plan for me. And, apparently, it's not my "time" yet to leave this earth. So, there is something I still need to accomplish. Who knows what that is, but I'll let you know when I find out!!
I wish it hadn't taken this day of 9/11 to make me think more about life...but maybe it's a good thing. We're not here for very long, and who knows when our last day will be, and so I've decided to make the most of each hour, minute, and second of every day. Whatever I end up doing, wherever I end up moving. I can't wait! Time for the next chapter of this life I'm still learning about everyday....
To those who were affected on 9/11....we all think of you, and honor you.
Change yourself in the way you want everyone else to change
Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be jerks
Avoid thinking about winning the lottery while making love
Brainwash yourself before someone nasty beats you to it
Confess big secrets to people who aren't very interested
Write a love letter to your evil twin during a lunar eclipse
Fool the tricky red beasts guarding the Wheels of Time
Locate the master codex and add erudite graffiti to it
Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems
Change your name every day for a thousand days
Kill the apocalypse and annihilate Armageddon
Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues
Brag about what you can't do and don't have
Get a vanity license plate that reads KZMYAZ
Bow down to the greatest mystery you know
Make fun of people who make fun of people
Sometimes I feel completely alone. I mean, not just single, or living by myself, or have no one to talk to - type of alone...but A-L-O-N-E. Like no one else on earth thinks or feels what I feel/think. That I'm in my own little bubble, or might as well be on my own island or country. Johannaland. And no one cares or gives a shit to want to know me. I mean, me...the real me. It seems no one wants to stick around long enough or take the time to find out who I really am. They all have their own agenda. Maybe this is why, over the years, I've built up walls to protect myself. And now, catch 22, it's probably even harder to find out about me. Ok, so I considered this issue. So I decided to let myself be an open book...but only if asked. Well...nothing. No one asked. So do they care? I'm sure they do. I know they do. I just don't feel it or see it. And that's the only way I'll be able to know for sure....Someone who is persistant. Pushes. Tries to find out what's between the lines. I know I do this with others. I find people intriguing. I want to figure everyone out. Then I'll know how to approach them...based on who they really are. I'm no expert, but at least I TRY. But I feel I get nothing back sometimes. And ok, maybe I'm complaining. But I just truly feel this way sometimes. I feel alone in a big crowd. Like I don't fit in. With anyone. How can I not fit in with ANYONE?? This has been happening to me for years now. How can this be? I'm a people person. I like others. I can relate, or try to relate, with others. I always felt like I could fit in anywhere. Well, I've tried all different crowds...different nationalities, interests, religions, lifestyles. And yet, none have completely fulfilled me. And so I stay alone. Even in romantic relationships. Maybe I just haven't found the "right one". I mean, I give, and work hard to know the person I'm with. I don't want just some guy to be around me. I want to know everything about him. And yet, they don't do the same back. Maybe they do. Maybe that's just men, and I need to accept that. Who the hell knows. But I do know I see couples all the time who truly know the ins and outs of the other person. But not in my world....
So I stay alone. And I'm learning to accept me and like me. And I'm getting used to being with just me. I'm kinda cool, I think. But it does make me sad that I feel this alone at times....
*This is an email my mother received, and thought she'd pass it along....*
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, a box of chocolates, and the last bit of the tequila.
You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.
Friday, January 7, 2011
I love this quote:
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”- Oscar Wilde
So...a couple of weeks ago, I decide to take a break from the modern technology we all have seemed to become accustomed to - cell phone (texting, and EVERYTHING else you can do on it) and the internet.
Why??
Well, I found myself having almost panic/anxiety attacks from feeling the need to constantly check my email for that important message, or check (or spy, as we have become used to) on the status of all my facebook and twitter friends, or not remembering my best friend's phone number and so I have to look it up every time I text or call her, or getting frustrated if my gps on my phone is running slow (like I can't call the business and ask for directions), and every other thing related to the use of the internet and cell phone. It was driving me insane!!!!
Now, yes, I admit, it has made our lives simpler at times. And communication has become easier - keeping in touch with family and friends, conducting business, contacting important people, increasing our opportunities, shopping, learning, being ahead of the game, checking the weather, getting from point A to point B in the quickest time possible, and more and more and more.
BUT....when I found myself relying on it for the sake of me getting thru my days, I had enough!
So, I started on a Friday...and was going to turn everything off until Monday morning. hahahaha - yeah right, you say...
Ok, so as soon as I decided to do this, I realized that my only phone was my cell phone. Ok, so I'll keep it on, in case of an emergency call from a family member or friend. And if it was an emergency, they would leave a message. Ok...good. Problem solved. No worries!
I went to work, and kept my phone in my purse. I'll just check for the emergency phone call (just in case) at the end of the work day. That lasted about 2 hours. What if I missed the call? Ok...so I'll keep it out in view, so I can check for the call. No problem. I still won't actually use it.
But then it happened. I got a text from a client. Great. She wanted to schedule an appointment. This is how she communicates. Ok....so I'll only text for business purposes. And this happened 2 more times that day. But I still felt good about letting everything else go....
I mean, is it necessary that I see the status updates of everyone, or have to use the gps to get somewhere? No...I'll use a landline to call the business and ask for directions. I can do that. Like I used to. Before cell phones. Before gps. I'll shop at the STORE and not online. I'll find out any news-worthy info on the NEWS on TV! This is easy! lol
Long story short...I made it through the weekend...did some reading, relaxing and cleaning. I actually was a peace for a few days!!!
And when Monday morning came around, and I checked my email and everything else we feel the need to check, I realized I didn't miss anything that couldn't wait a few days.
See, we live in a society that now expects everything - info, responses, etc., YESTERDAY. Remember the time when we would just wait till we got home to check our answering machine? And then call people back? Oh, and don't get me started!!! CALLING and TALKING on the phone??? Or when you're out to dinner with friends, you actually talk to each other, instead of each person at the table in their own cyber world on their phone. (Why did you all meet up to hang out in the first place then???) Yes, kids, it once happened. We didn't email...which has now turned to texting...to communicate. We talk to each other. We can HEAR someone's inflections in their voice to let us know (or if in person, SEE) if they're happy, sad, angry, bored, tired, and every other emotion. Not EMOTICON! Or !! LOL ?? :) ;) :p ugggghhhhhhh.....*sigh* (yes, I just went there)
So, although I'm glad to have all of these modern conveniences, I still like the old days of taking my time to really BE in the conversation, or email when I can TRULY respond, or go shopping because I just happen to drive by and SEE the store, not because JUDY GPS told me to go there.....
So...happy texting, emailing, and surfing (and blogging) everyone!!! Just don't forget the human race.... :)
So, why do I have tears in my eyes? haha...that's a complicated question, with so many answers. I do know that on my way home tonight, I tried all 3 country radio stations, to find something to take me away from reality, but all took me straight there...or where I would like to be. But it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I don't want to be reminded of a lost love, love gone wrong, a happy love....basically, don't tell me anything about love. It's a bunch of crap...as far as I can see...or have experienced. It's all make believe. It's not love that men have felt...but loneliness or lust or both. I give my heart and my all, and in the end, I'm alone. So no, I don't want to hear any song about it. So I turned on the local radio station - more alternative music...which is my secret passion. I love true songwriters and off-the-broken-path songs. These are real. And what did I hear? A song called something like "Know My Name". Can't even remember the artist..but very cool! See, I usually put this station on when I don't want to face reality...or want a different point of view. Country music, though I'm a fan, always has the same point of view on love. I don't want that. It's not working for me. It doesn't always heal my scars. So I listen to Lightening 100. "Know My Name". Yeah...that's what I want to hear. Someone who knows my name, who knows who I am, who takes an active role in trying to find out about me and my dreams and my goals. And my everyday life. I don't think this is too much to ask. I will treat my man like a king, so I expect to be treated like a queen. Well, at least that's what I have just realized and concluded...
See, for those of you who are married or in long-term relationships - go you! But for those of us in this society who are single, it's not as easy. Life is complicated. Between status updates and text messages and men who only show their feelings thru texts or want to "sext"-message you...it gets very lonely. I am shown nothing that they want ME - not just the woman...but the brain and heart that I have worked so hard to make real and good. Does this make any sense? Why is it that so many men who are single just seem to care about their feelings and themselves. Maybe it's because they're finally feeling emotions and they want to tell the world about it. Well, welcome to a woman's world. This is what we feel all the time. And we don't feel the need to consume everyone about our new-found addiction. It's not an addiction - it's just who we are. Mars vs. Venus. Gotta love it.
Anyway, why am I blogging about this? Who would care? I'm still trying to figure out the whole blogging thing. I guess it's a public diary. So maybe someone else out there feels the same way I do....
So, men...we like to be treated like a queen. (Flowers help! Believe me, what you will get in return is worth the 20 bucks you'll spend). And you will be our king. That's just what we do. We give. A lot. More than we give ourselves. So embrace it, welcome it, and show appreciation. Otherwise, we'll stop.
And right now, I only want to listen to songs that have nothing to do with relationships and love. Yes, I have just gone thru some personal crap....some good, some bad. But in the end, disappointment. Disappointment because of all the faith I put in someone...in their work, in their ability to love, in everything about them. But, again, that's what we do. And I guess you can't blame someone for feeling how they do...but it's hard when you have to sit back and watch them and all of their potential...just disappear....
And I just don't think I can write a country song about that....
So, I decided to sign up for another social network site (besides facebook, twitter, and myspace)...why, you ask? I don't know...meet more peeps, I guess. Ok...so I upload a picture, add in all my personal info - birthday, location, etc. Then...they want me to fill out the "About Me" section. Ok. No problem. Wait. Do I just copy and paste from my other sites?? Do I just keep the same thing that I do on my personal and music sites? No..I can't. That's not all "about me". So, it got me thinking...
Ok...so you go out to some social event, you're having a good time, and you run into people you don't know. Say hello...hello...then what? What is the first thing people ask you when meeting you?? "So, what do you do?" As if this is who we are. What you do for a living. As if this tells everything about you. Is this all we are?? I realized, so many people define themselves by what they do. I used to do the same thing. I still catch myself doing the same thing. But then I quickly remember the transition in my mind I made years ago (look for an upcoming blog to explain more). I am Johanna. I am me. I've decided that what I do for a living, to pay the bills, will not define me. I'm a singer/songwriter. This is not who I am, but instead, is how I express who I am. I'm a massage therapist. I do this because I love helping people. And yes, it pays the bills (for now, at least! lol). But I am me. Right?? I have come to the conclusion that I'm gonna try to make sure that what I do for work, for a living, will never define who Johanna is. They are just something Johanna enjoys to do....
Ok...so here I am...a blank box for the "About Me" section. My heart starts racing. What do I say? Who am I? Who are you? So, I've thought about it...and in this box, I will write - "Read blog"...lol. See, I guess I've gone through life, just working, just reacting, just being. Following dreams, being there for everyone around me, doing the best I can do - at whatever I was doing at the time. But I never once sat back and really tried to define and figure out who I really was. I think many of us do that. We say we're this, and we're that, and we believe this and that. But have you ever really sat down, and was completely honest with yourself about who you really are? Not what you do, but who you are. Imagine you lost your job...what would you say? "Oh, I'm out of a job.."...Well, so?? You're still you - job or no job. So what would you say?? Well, I've thought about it...so here ya go...
I grew up in Saratoga Springs, NY. My parents (now retired) were teachers - mom, an elementary school teacher - dad, band director. I went to Catholic School till 6th grade. I don't go to church enough. I still pray. I was voted "Most Musical" in high school. I played bassoon in the high school band, violin in the orchestra, and sang in the select chorus. My "ugly-duckling" stage was in 7th grade - with braces and glasses. People don't LISTEN to each other anymore - we only hear. I love dark chocolate. And roses are beautiful! My sister is an amazing person...she just doesn't know it. I've experienced depresson. I went to undergrad at Ithaca College. Grad school - Michigan State University. I never thought I'd be living in Nashville, TN. You can't make anyone do or feel anything. I don't read enough. I love self-help books, but never finish them! I could live off of pizza and ice cream - oh, and grapes, eggs and bagels! I can never remember the exact lines from movies. I toured Austria and Hungary, when I was in 8th grade, with the Empire State Youth Orchestra - my passion (playing violin)! I competed in Lake Placid in ice skating. I was a gymnast for a few years. I don't like people telling me what I SHOULD do - instead, help me figure out how to become the best I can. I love wine. Margaritas make me happy. I cannot act. I can't lie. Jack Daniels can help soothe a sore throat, in order to sing! lol I don't get too close, too easily. Sometimes, I like to keep my distance. You have to earn my respect. I always forget to take my vitamins. I've never been married or engaged. It may seem I don't know what's going on, but I'm really a quiet observer - so be careful! I love everyone - for their uniqueness. I think people are entertaining. I want to see the world. I want to hike the Appalachian Trail and drive Route 66. Oh, and take the Eurorail around Europe. I'm competitive...sometimes against others, but usually against myself. I've found music to help me express my soul. The ocean recharges me! And the highway is where I feel the most free. I think everyone should find some sort of art to express themselves - it causes you to become completely open and honest with yourself. Time heals. The sunrise is calming. Sunsets are surreal. I've been in love 2 times in my life (whether or not they felt the same is still unknown...lol). At times, I think everyone should think like me. I haven't settled down yet. I haven't settled. I don't NEED anyone. But I like wanting someone. I can't wait to see where I'll live next! Bad drivers give me high blood pressure. I like to always have my car with me...a nice get-a-way! lol I love to laugh!! I love being alone. I love to snuggle. Purple is a cool color. I struggle with self-confidence. I know the past has made who I am, but sometimes I wish I could erase it and start brand new today. My "children" are Bear, the dog, and Murray, the cat. They love me. I've been in Nashville for 10 years. I want to heal the world. I don't get mad/upset very often. But when I do, I'll probably write a song about you. We should all put ourselves in others' shoes before judging. I believe in miracles. Karma is real. I believe in "The Secret". Remember our military. I like to be a leader. I'm a great follower. I trained for a bodybuilding competition. Never competed - but didn't want to. I probably won't let you know I'm thinking about you. I can see and feel people's energy. Letting go is something I need to get better at. I love to give. I only ask for appreciation and respect in return. Otherwise, I'll stop giving...and I can walk away. I want to meet Madonna - she is the queen. I had crushes on Joey McIntyre and Danny Wood (NKOTB). You don't want to be inside my brain. I'm a hard worker. I have reasons for everything - even if you don't agree. I've learned to go with my gut. Bushwackers can solve world peace. I love sports. I only wish I was on the sideline, closer to the action. The world has become smaller. I've only gotten flowers from a man one time in my life. I need coffee every morning. I've moved every 2 years since living in Nashville. I'm not perfect...but I think I'm still cool! I like watching CNN every morning. I love '80s music. Love is patient and will always win. I love stupid comedies. And have a love/hate relationship with scary movies. I love getting real mail from the mailbox. Phone calls will always be better than texting. I overbook myself sometimes - well, a lot. Everything happens for a reason. And we are all on this earth for a purpose - and usually it's to teach or show someone else something. Therefore...the world does NOT revolve around you. So get over yourself. But sometimes, I think I should be someone's world. My Kia rocks. Everyone should experience a passionate kiss - because it's amazing! Heels are really hard to walk in, but I still feel pretty sexy. I wish I could wear a t-shirt, hat, and jeans every day. I have grown to become curious about, and respect, history. I hate spiders. I'm intrigued by fireflies. You can't hide what's in your heart. I try to do the best I can. It's all about the ying and yang, baby! No is not an option. You can be/do ANYTHING you want - it just takes hard work and dedication! Music is soul and everyone has a soul...
While I have listened to tons of different singer/songwriters in this town - of all genres - I am still in complete amazement of each person's own sound. Even if they are semi-copying someone else, I believe that their true soul is coming out in their music - thru their instrument - guitar, keys, vocals, etc. - and words. And it always amazes me the rhythm, feel, and sound of that soul....
We are all so different deep down inside, that we are all the same....
Hello blog...we haven't spoken in a while...what's up? How's life treating ya? I'm good...sick! ughhh!! lol Just found out that I shouldn't go to the grocery store when sick...I end up buying any and everything I see that I feel would make me feel better....chocolate, chicken noodle soup, chapstick, tissues, Ruffles potato chips with french onion dip (yummmm!!! I blame my old roommates for this craving...), rented a few movies....So now, I'm done watching both - New York, I Love You and Beyond A Reasonable Doubt....ate waaayyyy to much....still don't feel well, and can't sleep. Great. As for the movies, the New York one - weird...not much going on. The other one - pretty darn good! Go check it out sometime... Red Box, baby!! haha! My brain is foggy from the congestion, so I can't think about writing a song....though I have tons rolling around in my head....
So I guess I'll finish this book I've been reading - "Falling To Heaven" by Mickey Robinson. Wow. A must read. I met Mickey this past week - he was one of my massage clients. What an unbelieveable life! Of course, he started telling me about it half-way thru the massage, and I ended up running over on time, because I didn't want to stop listening to his story. Amazing man. He left, and brought back his book, and signed it for me. I highly recommend this...for anyone on a journey in their life, trying to find purpose. It makes you think....which I seem to do a lot lately. More and more I get signs, and not sure what to do with them. But I'm learning to just take them in and roll with it...I figure I'll find out eventually! I'll write more about Mickey at a later date when I finish the book...but till then, go get your own copy!
This whole "being sick" thing is awful. And to top it off, we've had snow here in Nashville, which means the whole city shuts down. And where I live, well, it's kind of hard to drive on the back roads...plows FINALLY showed up today....what, 4 days later! Definitely not like NY! So, anyway, I've been stuck in my house for a while...sure I got out a few times, but I just don't like driving on these back roads on the ice and snow, so I avoided it as much as possible. And I only have a TV with a DVD player - no cable. Not even the 3 local stations. And my sound doesn't work on my computer...so I can't waste my time on youtube, roaming around the site and finding creative, humorous, political, or musical events.....
So here I am, blogging...pretty exciting! I guess that's what blogging is about...a public viewing of private thoughts - kind of like displaying your diary to the world. Interesting. Who'd a thunk?
I'm done with the internet tonight...just lots of people complaining about the world, or seeing useless information, or bad news....oh, or people going on and on about themselves. Sorry, not for me right now. In other news, the cat won't leave me alone! lol Ok - now I'm really running out of things to say...time to sign off....I'll be back to talk more about Mickey's book...stay tuned! And I can't wait to get the opportunity to talk with him again!!!!!
Peace out...and stay warm....
Luv all y'all..... :)
"You are what you love, not what loves you"
So, this is what my horoscope says for me to believe for the next few weeks...and to bring it into my life and believe it. Well, I already do!!
There’s a reason for everything, I suppose. At least that’s what I’ve been told…and to an extent, I believe it to be true. We have our reasons…I guess that’s why we do what we do. Though some don’t always understand, or approve, we do it anyway…because we have a reason. So why do you what you do? Why do I insist on being a songwriter/singer, chasing the dream, living on pennies, stressed to make rent at times….why, why, why?? Because of reasons…right? Ha! Wish everyone did what they did because of a purpose. But many don’t. I didn’t. I still don’t at times. But when something smacks you in the face, to make you believe that what your doing is worth every headache, every night awake, every dream you have when you actually sleep, every smile, every tear (yours or another’s), then I guess that gives you reason to keep going…
I had an incident while singing with a band….and this began my drive on this road to do what I do…with every reason in the world! And therefore, it’s the correct decision for me…at least, that’s what I believe. Here’s the story: We were playing for about 1500 people…and performed a song that was about getting back to the way you and your loved one used to be…to remember why you love each other…and how you need to do this once in awhile. Well, in the middle of the song, I looked down in the front row…and there was a woman, with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face…and I saw her say “Thank you” to me…for playing this song. Wow! How do you keep going after that?? There, right then and there, is where I began to find reason for what I do…..
In the process of finding this reason, I also went to a quiet, dark place, and looked myself in the mirror…something many of us are scared to do. I sure was. I really believe that everyone should, at some point in their lives, get involved in some form of art, or creativity. Not for anyone else but themselves. You learn to express yourself in a way that sometimes words cannot portray. For some, it may be sculpting, painting, dancing, keeping a diary, singing, etc….For me, melody and lyrics help me. I can’t tell you how many times a song has affected me…good or bad. Sometimes it’s the words, sometimes it’s just the melody (yes, sometimes, I don’t even care what the singer is saying…the melody and music is driving me to feel). So in my new way of writing, at least what I’m trying to do, I’m not only letting go of things inside of me, for my own selfish therapeutic purpose, but also, hoping that somewhere out there, there has GOT to be someone else who is feeling exactly like I do. Going through the same emotions. And just maybe, my words and music can touch them…and help them through, or get them thinking, and feeling - which most of us avoid doing at times, so not to get hurt. I know I do. Not feeling is easy. It’s great! But then it all stays inside, and in some form, it all comes out eventually. I like to try to channel it into my music…And it seems, the best songs out there, the ones people respond to, whether it’s my song, or someone else’s, even if they’re the slow-tempo, dark songs (my mom wishes I would write more happy stuff! lol But whatever comes out, is what comes out…can’t help it!), these are the songs that are true. Truth. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it’s good. But I believe that we all are constantly running from our own truths, and music makes us sit back, and admit, even if quietly to ourselves, to the truth. Aren’t mirrors great?? lol
Last night I had an encounter with an old friend of mine. We had a falling out. It’s been stuck in my gut for probably about 10 months. I think of her constantly. Wondering what went wrong, and how she’s doing, and how can I make things better. It’s kept me up at night. It’s ruined my days. I just wrote a song, titled “Quiet” about this…finally…in about 5 minutes. And I don’t care if every word is not perfect or every rhyme isn’t there. It’s the truth. It’s the god-forsaken-gut-wrenching truth. And although it’s helped me to get my words out there, and I’m thankful that I can do this, I honestly believe someone else could use these words to help their own situation….and that gives me reason to keep doing what I do…..
