So, why do I have tears in my eyes? haha...that's a complicated question, with so many answers. I do know that on my way home tonight, I tried all 3 country radio stations, to find something to take me away from reality, but all took me straight there...or where I would like to be. But it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I don't want to be reminded of a lost love, love gone wrong, a happy love....basically, don't tell me anything about love. It's a bunch of crap...as far as I can see...or have experienced. It's all make believe. It's not love that men have felt...but loneliness or lust or both. I give my heart and my all, and in the end, I'm alone. So no, I don't want to hear any song about it. So I turned on the local radio station - more alternative music...which is my secret passion. I love true songwriters and off-the-broken-path songs. These are real. And what did I hear? A song called something like "Know My Name". Can't even remember the artist..but very cool! See, I usually put this station on when I don't want to face reality...or want a different point of view. Country music, though I'm a fan, always has the same point of view on love. I don't want that. It's not working for me. It doesn't always heal my scars. So I listen to Lightening 100. "Know My Name". Yeah...that's what I want to hear. Someone who knows my name, who knows who I am, who takes an active role in trying to find out about me and my dreams and my goals. And my everyday life. I don't think this is too much to ask. I will treat my man like a king, so I expect to be treated like a queen. Well, at least that's what I have just realized and concluded...
See, for those of you who are married or in long-term relationships - go you! But for those of us in this society who are single, it's not as easy. Life is complicated. Between status updates and text messages and men who only show their feelings thru texts or want to "sext"-message you...it gets very lonely. I am shown nothing that they want ME - not just the woman...but the brain and heart that I have worked so hard to make real and good. Does this make any sense? Why is it that so many men who are single just seem to care about their feelings and themselves. Maybe it's because they're finally feeling emotions and they want to tell the world about it. Well, welcome to a woman's world. This is what we feel all the time. And we don't feel the need to consume everyone about our new-found addiction. It's not an addiction - it's just who we are. Mars vs. Venus. Gotta love it.
Anyway, why am I blogging about this? Who would care? I'm still trying to figure out the whole blogging thing. I guess it's a public diary. So maybe someone else out there feels the same way I do....
So, men...we like to be treated like a queen. (Flowers help! Believe me, what you will get in return is worth the 20 bucks you'll spend). And you will be our king. That's just what we do. We give. A lot. More than we give ourselves. So embrace it, welcome it, and show appreciation. Otherwise, we'll stop.
And right now, I only want to listen to songs that have nothing to do with relationships and love. Yes, I have just gone thru some personal crap....some good, some bad. But in the end, disappointment. Disappointment because of all the faith I put in someone...in their work, in their ability to love, in everything about them. But, again, that's what we do. And I guess you can't blame someone for feeling how they do...but it's hard when you have to sit back and watch them and all of their potential...just disappear....
And I just don't think I can write a country song about that....
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
About me...hmmm???
So, I decided to sign up for another social network site (besides facebook, twitter, and myspace)...why, you ask? I don't know...meet more peeps, I guess. Ok...so I upload a picture, add in all my personal info - birthday, location, etc. Then...they want me to fill out the "About Me" section. Ok. No problem. Wait. Do I just copy and paste from my other sites?? Do I just keep the same thing that I do on my personal and music sites? No..I can't. That's not all "about me". So, it got me thinking...
Ok...so you go out to some social event, you're having a good time, and you run into people you don't know. Say hello...hello...then what? What is the first thing people ask you when meeting you?? "So, what do you do?" As if this is who we are. What you do for a living. As if this tells everything about you. Is this all we are?? I realized, so many people define themselves by what they do. I used to do the same thing. I still catch myself doing the same thing. But then I quickly remember the transition in my mind I made years ago (look for an upcoming blog to explain more). I am Johanna. I am me. I've decided that what I do for a living, to pay the bills, will not define me. I'm a singer/songwriter. This is not who I am, but instead, is how I express who I am. I'm a massage therapist. I do this because I love helping people. And yes, it pays the bills (for now, at least! lol). But I am me. Right?? I have come to the conclusion that I'm gonna try to make sure that what I do for work, for a living, will never define who Johanna is. They are just something Johanna enjoys to do....
Ok...so here I am...a blank box for the "About Me" section. My heart starts racing. What do I say? Who am I? Who are you? So, I've thought about it...and in this box, I will write - "Read blog"...lol. See, I guess I've gone through life, just working, just reacting, just being. Following dreams, being there for everyone around me, doing the best I can do - at whatever I was doing at the time. But I never once sat back and really tried to define and figure out who I really was. I think many of us do that. We say we're this, and we're that, and we believe this and that. But have you ever really sat down, and was completely honest with yourself about who you really are? Not what you do, but who you are. Imagine you lost your job...what would you say? "Oh, I'm out of a job.."...Well, so?? You're still you - job or no job. So what would you say?? Well, I've thought about it...so here ya go...
I grew up in Saratoga Springs, NY. My parents (now retired) were teachers - mom, an elementary school teacher - dad, band director. I went to Catholic School till 6th grade. I don't go to church enough. I still pray. I was voted "Most Musical" in high school. I played bassoon in the high school band, violin in the orchestra, and sang in the select chorus. My "ugly-duckling" stage was in 7th grade - with braces and glasses. People don't LISTEN to each other anymore - we only hear. I love dark chocolate. And roses are beautiful! My sister is an amazing person...she just doesn't know it. I've experienced depresson. I went to undergrad at Ithaca College. Grad school - Michigan State University. I never thought I'd be living in Nashville, TN. You can't make anyone do or feel anything. I don't read enough. I love self-help books, but never finish them! I could live off of pizza and ice cream - oh, and grapes, eggs and bagels! I can never remember the exact lines from movies. I toured Austria and Hungary, when I was in 8th grade, with the Empire State Youth Orchestra - my passion (playing violin)! I competed in Lake Placid in ice skating. I was a gymnast for a few years. I don't like people telling me what I SHOULD do - instead, help me figure out how to become the best I can. I love wine. Margaritas make me happy. I cannot act. I can't lie. Jack Daniels can help soothe a sore throat, in order to sing! lol I don't get too close, too easily. Sometimes, I like to keep my distance. You have to earn my respect. I always forget to take my vitamins. I've never been married or engaged. It may seem I don't know what's going on, but I'm really a quiet observer - so be careful! I love everyone - for their uniqueness. I think people are entertaining. I want to see the world. I want to hike the Appalachian Trail and drive Route 66. Oh, and take the Eurorail around Europe. I'm competitive...sometimes against others, but usually against myself. I've found music to help me express my soul. The ocean recharges me! And the highway is where I feel the most free. I think everyone should find some sort of art to express themselves - it causes you to become completely open and honest with yourself. Time heals. The sunrise is calming. Sunsets are surreal. I've been in love 2 times in my life (whether or not they felt the same is still unknown...lol). At times, I think everyone should think like me. I haven't settled down yet. I haven't settled. I don't NEED anyone. But I like wanting someone. I can't wait to see where I'll live next! Bad drivers give me high blood pressure. I like to always have my car with me...a nice get-a-way! lol I love to laugh!! I love being alone. I love to snuggle. Purple is a cool color. I struggle with self-confidence. I know the past has made who I am, but sometimes I wish I could erase it and start brand new today. My "children" are Bear, the dog, and Murray, the cat. They love me. I've been in Nashville for 10 years. I want to heal the world. I don't get mad/upset very often. But when I do, I'll probably write a song about you. We should all put ourselves in others' shoes before judging. I believe in miracles. Karma is real. I believe in "The Secret". Remember our military. I like to be a leader. I'm a great follower. I trained for a bodybuilding competition. Never competed - but didn't want to. I probably won't let you know I'm thinking about you. I can see and feel people's energy. Letting go is something I need to get better at. I love to give. I only ask for appreciation and respect in return. Otherwise, I'll stop giving...and I can walk away. I want to meet Madonna - she is the queen. I had crushes on Joey McIntyre and Danny Wood (NKOTB). You don't want to be inside my brain. I'm a hard worker. I have reasons for everything - even if you don't agree. I've learned to go with my gut. Bushwackers can solve world peace. I love sports. I only wish I was on the sideline, closer to the action. The world has become smaller. I've only gotten flowers from a man one time in my life. I need coffee every morning. I've moved every 2 years since living in Nashville. I'm not perfect...but I think I'm still cool! I like watching CNN every morning. I love '80s music. Love is patient and will always win. I love stupid comedies. And have a love/hate relationship with scary movies. I love getting real mail from the mailbox. Phone calls will always be better than texting. I overbook myself sometimes - well, a lot. Everything happens for a reason. And we are all on this earth for a purpose - and usually it's to teach or show someone else something. Therefore...the world does NOT revolve around you. So get over yourself. But sometimes, I think I should be someone's world. My Kia rocks. Everyone should experience a passionate kiss - because it's amazing! Heels are really hard to walk in, but I still feel pretty sexy. I wish I could wear a t-shirt, hat, and jeans every day. I have grown to become curious about, and respect, history. I hate spiders. I'm intrigued by fireflies. You can't hide what's in your heart. I try to do the best I can. It's all about the ying and yang, baby! No is not an option. You can be/do ANYTHING you want - it just takes hard work and dedication! Music is soul and everyone has a soul...
Ok...so you go out to some social event, you're having a good time, and you run into people you don't know. Say hello...hello...then what? What is the first thing people ask you when meeting you?? "So, what do you do?" As if this is who we are. What you do for a living. As if this tells everything about you. Is this all we are?? I realized, so many people define themselves by what they do. I used to do the same thing. I still catch myself doing the same thing. But then I quickly remember the transition in my mind I made years ago (look for an upcoming blog to explain more). I am Johanna. I am me. I've decided that what I do for a living, to pay the bills, will not define me. I'm a singer/songwriter. This is not who I am, but instead, is how I express who I am. I'm a massage therapist. I do this because I love helping people. And yes, it pays the bills (for now, at least! lol). But I am me. Right?? I have come to the conclusion that I'm gonna try to make sure that what I do for work, for a living, will never define who Johanna is. They are just something Johanna enjoys to do....
Ok...so here I am...a blank box for the "About Me" section. My heart starts racing. What do I say? Who am I? Who are you? So, I've thought about it...and in this box, I will write - "Read blog"...lol. See, I guess I've gone through life, just working, just reacting, just being. Following dreams, being there for everyone around me, doing the best I can do - at whatever I was doing at the time. But I never once sat back and really tried to define and figure out who I really was. I think many of us do that. We say we're this, and we're that, and we believe this and that. But have you ever really sat down, and was completely honest with yourself about who you really are? Not what you do, but who you are. Imagine you lost your job...what would you say? "Oh, I'm out of a job.."...Well, so?? You're still you - job or no job. So what would you say?? Well, I've thought about it...so here ya go...
I grew up in Saratoga Springs, NY. My parents (now retired) were teachers - mom, an elementary school teacher - dad, band director. I went to Catholic School till 6th grade. I don't go to church enough. I still pray. I was voted "Most Musical" in high school. I played bassoon in the high school band, violin in the orchestra, and sang in the select chorus. My "ugly-duckling" stage was in 7th grade - with braces and glasses. People don't LISTEN to each other anymore - we only hear. I love dark chocolate. And roses are beautiful! My sister is an amazing person...she just doesn't know it. I've experienced depresson. I went to undergrad at Ithaca College. Grad school - Michigan State University. I never thought I'd be living in Nashville, TN. You can't make anyone do or feel anything. I don't read enough. I love self-help books, but never finish them! I could live off of pizza and ice cream - oh, and grapes, eggs and bagels! I can never remember the exact lines from movies. I toured Austria and Hungary, when I was in 8th grade, with the Empire State Youth Orchestra - my passion (playing violin)! I competed in Lake Placid in ice skating. I was a gymnast for a few years. I don't like people telling me what I SHOULD do - instead, help me figure out how to become the best I can. I love wine. Margaritas make me happy. I cannot act. I can't lie. Jack Daniels can help soothe a sore throat, in order to sing! lol I don't get too close, too easily. Sometimes, I like to keep my distance. You have to earn my respect. I always forget to take my vitamins. I've never been married or engaged. It may seem I don't know what's going on, but I'm really a quiet observer - so be careful! I love everyone - for their uniqueness. I think people are entertaining. I want to see the world. I want to hike the Appalachian Trail and drive Route 66. Oh, and take the Eurorail around Europe. I'm competitive...sometimes against others, but usually against myself. I've found music to help me express my soul. The ocean recharges me! And the highway is where I feel the most free. I think everyone should find some sort of art to express themselves - it causes you to become completely open and honest with yourself. Time heals. The sunrise is calming. Sunsets are surreal. I've been in love 2 times in my life (whether or not they felt the same is still unknown...lol). At times, I think everyone should think like me. I haven't settled down yet. I haven't settled. I don't NEED anyone. But I like wanting someone. I can't wait to see where I'll live next! Bad drivers give me high blood pressure. I like to always have my car with me...a nice get-a-way! lol I love to laugh!! I love being alone. I love to snuggle. Purple is a cool color. I struggle with self-confidence. I know the past has made who I am, but sometimes I wish I could erase it and start brand new today. My "children" are Bear, the dog, and Murray, the cat. They love me. I've been in Nashville for 10 years. I want to heal the world. I don't get mad/upset very often. But when I do, I'll probably write a song about you. We should all put ourselves in others' shoes before judging. I believe in miracles. Karma is real. I believe in "The Secret". Remember our military. I like to be a leader. I'm a great follower. I trained for a bodybuilding competition. Never competed - but didn't want to. I probably won't let you know I'm thinking about you. I can see and feel people's energy. Letting go is something I need to get better at. I love to give. I only ask for appreciation and respect in return. Otherwise, I'll stop giving...and I can walk away. I want to meet Madonna - she is the queen. I had crushes on Joey McIntyre and Danny Wood (NKOTB). You don't want to be inside my brain. I'm a hard worker. I have reasons for everything - even if you don't agree. I've learned to go with my gut. Bushwackers can solve world peace. I love sports. I only wish I was on the sideline, closer to the action. The world has become smaller. I've only gotten flowers from a man one time in my life. I need coffee every morning. I've moved every 2 years since living in Nashville. I'm not perfect...but I think I'm still cool! I like watching CNN every morning. I love '80s music. Love is patient and will always win. I love stupid comedies. And have a love/hate relationship with scary movies. I love getting real mail from the mailbox. Phone calls will always be better than texting. I overbook myself sometimes - well, a lot. Everything happens for a reason. And we are all on this earth for a purpose - and usually it's to teach or show someone else something. Therefore...the world does NOT revolve around you. So get over yourself. But sometimes, I think I should be someone's world. My Kia rocks. Everyone should experience a passionate kiss - because it's amazing! Heels are really hard to walk in, but I still feel pretty sexy. I wish I could wear a t-shirt, hat, and jeans every day. I have grown to become curious about, and respect, history. I hate spiders. I'm intrigued by fireflies. You can't hide what's in your heart. I try to do the best I can. It's all about the ying and yang, baby! No is not an option. You can be/do ANYTHING you want - it just takes hard work and dedication! Music is soul and everyone has a soul...
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